Patience With Wives & Humility In The Home
Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Musa Aal-Nasr (hafidahullaah)
Source: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) At Home p28-31
Translated by: Abul-Khidr Shakiel Muhammad Al-Amrikee
Having Patience With Harm That Comes From The Wives
The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) used to bear the harm from his wives with patience. Sometimes his wives would make him (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) go back on an issue, as the people of knowledge have said. And in the hadeeth:
“The woman is created from a rib. And the most crooked part of the rib is its uppermost part. Thus, if you wanted to straighten it you would end up breaking it. So I command you to take good care of the women.” 1
The woman is created as such – there is crookedness, there is good and bad. So upon you O Muslim, O slave of Allaah is to live and be kind with her. If you want a woman with perfect attributes then you will never find one. For how impossible it is!! The Messenger (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
“No male believer is to hate a female believer. If he hates a trait in her he will be please with another trait.” 2
He (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) was even patient with his wives when they came to seek money from him to spend while he had abandoned them for a month. He had abandoned sleeping with them. Allaah then revealed.
“O Prophet, say to your wives, “If you should desire the worldly life and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and give you a gracious release. But if you should desire Allaah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter – then indeed, Allaah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward.” 3
It was addressed to the wives of the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam).
One day Osamah bin Zayd, and he was loved by the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) tumbled at the door and his face was wounded. The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said to Ayesha, “Remove from him the harm” – meaning the blood. However, she felt nauseated and detested to wash his face or wipe it off his face. “So he (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) began to suck the blood from him and remove it from his face” – meaning he managed the matter himself. He didn’t hit her left and right nor curse her nor rebuke her. Rather, he took it upon himself to do the task. And he (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If Osamah was a girl, I would have beautified and dressed him and got him married.” 4
This was the character of the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). Today, if a man sought from his wife a cup of water and if she delayed bringing it he would turn the home upside down. Such a person doesn’t want to be bothered with any work in the house.
The Prophet’s (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) Humility In His House And With His Family
The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) used to eat from that which was available in the house. Don’t we find today many husbands who beat and curse their wives just because their cooking was not up to the mark or because they delayed in their cooking?? It has even reached me that some husbands at times take the pots while it is boiling and empty it out on the heads of their wives!! Greatly oppressed are the women who are with the likes of these blameworthy men. And at times, he may throw the food around the house just because he didn’t like it. Is this from the behaviour of the Muslims?! By Allaah, no!!
The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) used to enter his house and say, “Do you have any food?” They would say, “No we don’t”. Then he would say, “O Allaah, I am fasting”. 5 And “he didn’t even used to find a low grade date that would satisfy his stomach.” 6 And Ayesha said:
“The crescent then a crescent and then another crescent would pass by, three crescents, and the fire would not be lit (for cooking) in the house of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam).” It was said, “What was your sustenance O Aunt?” She said, “The two black things – dates and water.” 7
He ate from what was available and he didn’t bother about that which was not available and he made good with what existed of food.
And he (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) was not known to have “picked faults with food ever. If it pleased him he ate it, and if he didn’t like it he didn’t eat it.” 8 And he saw a group of people eating lizard, so he sat with them and ate it. And at another time, he saw a group of people eating lizard, so he sat with them and it was presented to him, but he didn’t eat it nor prohibit its eating.9